Growing a beard can take serious commitment. A man cannot simply wish the hair on his face to magically appear. There is a long, arduous process before he can triumphantly proclaim that he has indeed been able to do what was seemingly impossible. No one can rightfully state that he is truly a man unless he has grown a respectable amount of bush on his face. A mere five o’clock stubble will not do. No. Not even those thin, pencil-like Chin Strap beards. What purpose does wearing such styles serve anyway?

A manly beard must cover a man’s face so that his awesomeness is on full display. Only timid and feminine men believe they should hide the manliness that is theirs by birth. Why go through all the effort of ritually shaving off these bristling rays of virility? It has once been said by a wise bearded man that the aggregate time it takes throughout a man’s life to routinely shave their beard off is equal to five full months. Why would anyone want to spend that amount of time hiding in the bathroom with white goop on his face? A true man would instead use that opportunity to bask in the admiration of lovely women taking turns to fawn over his robust and formidable beard.

Just to be clear, everything written here is merely to elicit the reader’s laughter. But then again, a truly bearded man would never have to make such a disclosure. He says what he means and means what he says. Every word that comes out of his bearded mouth turns to solid oak even before it can reach the listener’s ears, that is if he even has to talk at all. The manliest of men amongst the most masculine of bearded male folk need only be seen. People will instantly realize what they must do by simply looking at his magnificent beard. He does not request, he only commands.

Being able to appreciate a good joke is one thing, but reading a whole bunch of them is quite another. Real men will know not to take themselves too seriously, even though what they are doing is a serious matter. Just to make light of this rapidly increasing trend of beard growing, here is a collection of jokes gathered from the Internet:

1) On being complemented for a beard someone might say: “Thank you, I was a bit unsure at first but it has definitely grown on me.”
2) From the saying, to be the man you must beat the man: “To be the man, you must beard the man.”
3) “Remember: unlike other parts of you, the beard can be as long as you like.”
4) From the saying, fortune favors the bold: “Fortune favors the beard.”
5) “Never bring a moustache to a beard fight.”
6) “Not everyone can be bearded.. Someone has to stand on the side and clap as men with beards go by.”
7) “Anyone who says your beard makes you look homeless is not the kind of person you want in your home or cardboard box anyway.”
8) “I totally understand. A beard would not complement the feminine look you are going for. Keep shaving.”
9) “In the presence of a woman, a gentleman removes his hat. In the presence of a beard, a woman often removes her clothes.”
10) “When I was twelve my father taught me how to be a man. He took me to the bathroom, picked up a razor and ate it.”

Honorable Mentions:

“A man does not grow a beard. A beard grows a man.”
“Beards. Pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complementing each other on.”

Beard jokes

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